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Saturday Night Live Client/Broker Parody. Starts off spoofing the Schwab “relax” commercial that came out in 2002 where Charles Schwab advised a group of investors to just relax and stay diversified with different types of stock and bond positions. (Beyond that particular spoof, I believe it may be unfair to compare Schwab and Co. with the character of the fictitious Saturday Night Live firm “Global Century, however, as far as other Wall Street firms are concerned it may be a different story). This is somewhere between hilarious and too true to be funny. Click through to the Turtle Trader video web page.





A stockbroker dies and goes to heaven and is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says to him, "In today's world, we give you a choice of where you would like your soul to spend eternity -- in heaven up here with us or down in hell. And, we offer you a chance to sample each for a couple of days before making your decision." The stockbroker decides to spend a few days in heaven first. Everything is very peaceful, bucolic. The people are very friendly and polite. But frankly, he is a little bit bored. After a couple of days in heaven, he goes to hell and knocks on the door. The devil himself answers the door and greets him. The stockbroker looks around and sees nubile naked teenage girls, gambling, sports, drugs and liquor. So he spends three days in hell having the time of his life. After the 3rd day, he goes back to the Pearly Gates and is met by St. Peter. He tells St. Peter that,after giving it careful thought, he decides he wants to spend eternity in hell. He tells St. Peter that although heaven was beautiful, it was just too quiet and serene for him. St. Peter says good bye to him and the stockbroker goes down to hell. He knocks on the door and again, the devil himself answers it. He tells the devil he wants to spend eternity in hell. The devil pulls him through the door, locks and baracades the door quickly behind him. The stockbroker looks around. He sees no girls, sports, gambling, drugs, etc. Instead he sees filth, dirt, rats, ugliness, chain gangs, prisons and other horrible conditions. He turns to the devil and asks him, "What is going on? How could you deceive me so?" The devil says to the stockbroker "You're someone to talk. If anyone should know this, it's a stockbroker. Yesterday you were a prospect. Today, you are a client!"


A dig on the oil industry

An oil prospector, moving on to his heavenly reward, was met by St.Peter with some bad news. "You're qualified for residence, " St. Peter said, "but as you can see, the compound for oil men is
packed. There's no way to squeeze you in."

After thinking for a moment, the prospector asked if he might say just four words to the present occupants. That seemed harmless to St. Peter, so the prospector cupped his hands and yelled, "Oil discovered in Hell."

Immediately the gate to the compound opened and all the oil men marched out to head for the nether regions. Impressed, St. Peter invited the prospector to move in and make himself comfortable. But
the prospector paused, then said:

"On second thought, I think I'll go along with the rest of the boys. There might be some truth to that rumor after all."

(From Stephen Dunphy's "Economic Memo" column in the Seattle Times 4/10/94, taken from netfunny.com).




Flag carried by the 3rd Maryland Regiment at the Battle of Cowpens, S. Carolina, 1781

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